


The Season of Giving and Taking

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Holidays [7]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Bob - Freeform, Christmas Shopping, F/M, Hanukkah, Holidays, Menorah, Non-Abusive Relationship, Oral Sex, Sex, religious irreverance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 12:29:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13076904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Joker learns about Hanukkah from Harley...sort of...





	The Season of Giving and Taking

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cvioleta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cvioleta/gifts).



> I know nothing about Hanukkah but I did a little research, so I hope I don't offend anyone! Also I believe in the comics it's Harley's Dad who was Jewish but I decided to turn that around.

Joker was lying in bed with his phone in his hand pinning pictures on Pinterest. Harley had shown him the site one night and now he was addicted. He had boards on explosions, guns, suits, cars and a board for Batman. Tonight he was searching for pictures and gifs of explosions, giggling any time he found a picture of an explosion that was actually one of his own. He was naked except for the sheet that rested around his hips. Harley came skipping into the room with a tray, wearing her favorite red nightie and nothing else. She wore her long blonde hair up in a messy bun with a red and black scarf tied around her head making her look as if she stepped out of the fifties. On the tray she was carrying she had two mugs of coffee and a plate of Christmas cookies. 

“Ready for some sweets puddin?” Harley grinned. 

Joker looked up from his phone with a wide smile, his eyes scanning over her with a clear hungry look. He licked his lips with chuckled, “Mm...are you part of the dessert, sweets?” 

Harley giggled and wiggled her hips. “Of course. Whatcha doing?” 

She came over to the bed, carefully crawling onto the mattress with her tray, which she placed on his lap before she nestled down next to him. Joker reached out to lay a steadying hand on the tray while Harley made herself comfortable beside him. His gazed shifted from his phone to her legs, watching the way the nightie road up her thighs. He grinned, licking his red lips before shifting back to his phone and holding it up. 

“Explosions!” Joker said with glee holding his phone to the side for her to look. 

Harley grinned examining the picture then pointed with one red nail. “Hey, isn't that the one where we blew up that old bridge?” 

“The very same!” Joker snickered as he pinned the picture. 

Harley leaned her head on his shoulder, watching Joker pin pictures for a moment when she saw something that made her let out a little sigh. 

Joker rolled his eyes sideways to look at her questioningly. “What?” 

Harley pointed. “Right there, it's a menorah.” She smiled softly. “I remember Hanukkah from when I was really little, or rather, I remember one particular Hanukkah. We spent it with my grandparents. It was the first and last time I got to celebrate.” 

Joker glanced sideways lifting a brow. “Wanna explain to the heathens in the room pumpkin?” 

“What? You mean about Hanukkah?” Harley asked surprised. 

Joker grinned, giving his head an encouraging nod. “What's so special about Hanukkah?” 

Harley sat up straight turning to face him and crossed her legs. “Well, I'm just going to give you the encyclopedia version, but Hanukkah is an eight day celebration of the rededication of this Holy Temple. The story goes that the Maccabees, a guerrilla army of Jewish rebels based in Israel, revolted against the Seleucid Greek King Antiochus. These Maccabees defeated one of the mightiest armies on earth, drove the Greeks from the land, and BOOM! reclaimed the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. Anyway, when they went to light the Temple's menorah,” Harley paused and demonstrated with her hands for him, “that's the seven branch candle thingie—anyway, they found only a little bit of olive oil was left that had escaped being contaminated by the mean old Greeks. So they lit the menorah. But, the cool thing was that the one-day supply of oil lasted for eight days, until new oil could be prepared under conditions of ritual purity and brought to the temple. So that's what we celebrate with Hanukkah. The menorah holds nine candles, the first one represents shamash which lights all the other candles, one each night. There are songs, prayers, eating traditional foods like latkes, sufganiyot, but there's also giving gifts on each of the nights that a candle is lit.” 

Joker, who had stopped listening after she said something about a Greek king, perked up at the mention of gifts.” Gifts?” 

Harley nodded. “Yep, when we stayed with my grandparents they gave me a gift each night. Nothing huge; a coloring book one night, a doll on another, pajamas, that sort of thing,” Harley explained with a soft smile; the memory of the holiday made her cheeks rosy. “And we ate a lot of traditional foods and fried foods. It was awesome. It was really cool too because my grandparents had a Christmas tree too! My grandma said she like the tree and why not have both since my Dad was Christian...anyway. It was one of my favorite memories.” 

Joker had forgotten the rest of the what she had said; actually he had just stopped listening except for the idea of giving Harley gifts...a new gift, one on each night for the next eight nights filled him with glee! He adored giving her gifts. Not that he needed a reason to give her something, but... 

“Mmm...pumpkin, think we need to get a menorah for the hideout?” Joker asked with a grin. 

“Really?” Harley asked in surprise. 

“Sure why not? We can mix it in with the Santa Clauses and the candy canes.” Joker chuckled with a lopsided grin. 

“Ah thanks sweetie!” Harley leaned over and kissed him, a soft sensual kiss on the mouth. 

Joker growled reaching up to thread his fingers through her hair, grabbing a fistful of the soft blonde locks, tugging her hair playfully. 

He whispered against her mouth. “Better move the tray or it's going to start levitating.” 

Harley giggled. “Ah puddin that's funny.” 

Joker grinned cocking one eyebrow at her. “I am the Joker, my pumpkin peach!” 

Harley giggled as she grabbed the tray and set it aside while Joker set his phone on the table beside him. She had just turned back around when Joker grabbed her, and yanked her over onto his lap. “Mmmm...are you my Hanukkah present?” 

“Mm...I might be puddin,” Harley cooed, smiling prettily and reaching out to trace her finger along his red lips. “I'm all wrapped up like a present.” 

Joker tugged playfully at the gown's straps. “How about you slip out of this and let Daddy play a little.” 

Harley giggled, reaching down and tugging the negligee off over her head. Joker grinned and licked his lips. 

“Mmm...Daddy likes.” 

Harley giggled as Joker bent his legs which allowed her to lean back against his thighs. He reached out and delicately ran his fingers over her smooth, creamy skin, brushing over her breasts in a gentle caress. Harley purred, closing her eyes and arching into his touch. He ran his fingers back up, his fingernails brushing against her nipples. Harley made a soft groan arching her back, sliding her hands down his arms. Joker slid his tongue along his bottom lip watching her with hungry eyes. He glided his hands down her torso to her hips, pressing his fingers into her flesh. He dropped his legs at the same time as he ran his hands up her back and guided her down for a deep, passionate kiss. Harley giggled against his mouth, wrapping her arms around his shoulders while at the same time she rubbed herself against his erection to make her pudding groan. 

“Mmm...Harley.” Joker grinned before he grabbed her and flipped her, both of them rolling. 

Harley laughed. “Puddin!!” 

Joker snickered laying on top of her, pinning her under him. “What's the difference between Snowmen and Snow women?” 

Harley giggled. “I'm afraid to ask.” 

Joker giggled leaning in to nibble her chin. “Snow balls.” 

Harley groaned. “Puddin!!!” 

He snickered, nibbling his way to her throat to find that soft ticklish spot he knew she had right under her ear tugging on the lobe of her ear with his teeth before he whispered. “If you want a white Christmas, just jingle my bells Harley.” 

Harley groaned with laughter which only made Joker laugh that much more. He loved her laugh and her smile, and the way her eyes lit up when she giggled. But he was done with the silly dirty jokes, now he wanted to fuck and fuck hard. He made his way down her neck biting and licking her delicious skin until he reached her collarbone. He dragged his teeth along her skin, teasing her with a flick of his tongue or a soft bite until he had pushed himself lower, sliding along her silken skin to roll to his side next to her. He licked his lips gazing at her perfect breasts. Her nipples were tight and rosy, just begging to be bitten and sucked. Joker brushed his nose against her hard nipple which earned him a jerk and soft gasp from Harley. He grinned wider. He loved the sounds she made, the sounds he could elicit from her made him harder with want...just to hear her cry out his name during her orgasms...he loved pleasuring her. Joker leaned in and nibbled her breasts, his teeth just barely pressing against her skin. Harley moaned softly her fingers threading through his thick green hair gasping when his tongue lapped across her breast.

She felt goosebumps race down her skin rushing to her sex where she felt that delightful pull, the swelling pressure of need between her legs that only he could elicit from her. Harley purred then gasped when he bit down, tugging lightly on her nipple with his teeth. 

Joker's teeth shone in a broad grin as his tongue rolled over her nipple slowly, holding it between his teeth while his tongue flicked over the sensitive surface. He thought briefly of the time she had thought about piercing her nipples and he had pouted until she changed her mind. Piercing her nipples to him would be like ruining a perfect joke or adding to an already perfect scheme...why mess with such perfection? He loved her breasts just as they were...plump, pink and bite-able. He giggled sucking her nipple into his mouth while he squeezed her other breast with his hand, wrapping his fingers around the deliciously soft mass and squeezing, rubbing his erection against her hip as he did so. The mix of mild pain and pleasure had Harley gasping and tugging on his hair. 

He continued to flick his tongue before releasing her nipple and covering it more gently with his mouth again sucking hard on her nipple while his tongue rolled over the hard rosy bud until Harley was writhing. He chuckled releasing her breast and transferring his attentions to her other breast—he needed to make sure he gave equal treatment! He took a bite of the side of her breast sucking and biting just a little too hard, wanting to leave a purple mark on her, wanting to mark her perfectly beautiful creamy pale skin. He loved that his love bites showed up so starkly against her flesh. He loved the fact that anyone seeing them would know she was his, just like any marks Harley left on him communicated the same message. He loved it when they were both marked up from their love-making. There was something—fulfilling—about that, but he didn't dwell on the thought too long; he had marks to make and a sexy little clown to make scream with delight. 

Harley groaned loving the feel of his teeth on her. Her groin tightened with desire, heat spreading through her. The way he sucked and bit at her breasts drove her absolutely crazy. He made her slide her legs together, her groin aching for him to touch her, but she could tell he wasn't ready. He wanted to drive her bonkers first, the jerk. She giggled with delight. 

Joker returned to the breast closest to him, teasing her with the tip of his tongue while he reached over to grasp her other nipple between his finger and thumb giving the alternate nipple a little twist. He leaned back a little and flicked his tongue over her breast while he grabbed her other breast and squeezed gently. He laughed softly, the warmth of his breath brushing across her damp nipple before sucking and squeezing again. 

Harley groaned, arching her back into his attention. His laughter against her skin raised goosebumps all over her. She could feel that familiar building heat; her clitoris was swollen with need, the deep tickle of his sucking and biting was driving her crazy. 

Harley groaned loudly. “Oooo! Puddin!!” 

He smiled against her breasts sucking and flicking harder with his lips, his fingers pinching and twisting then holding her nipple in place while he flicked his fingertip over the sensitive surface, then flicked harder with his fingernail until Harley came. 

“Aaah!!” She gasped and arched off the bed. 

Joker chuckled with delight. He stood up, hopped off of the bed. Harley leaned up on her elbows. “Puddin whatcha..?” 

But before she could finish, he grabbed her legs and twisted her around and dragged her to the edge of the bed. Harley laughed and squealed as he dragged her to the very edge dropping her legs so that her feet were touching the floor. He grinned waggling his eyebrows at her. 

“You just lay there and enjoy pumpkin pie. Consider it your first Hanukkah gift!” 

Harley pushed herself up on her elbows just as Joker dropped to his knees. “Wha...?” She didn't finish her question because that was when Joker grabbed her knees and spread her legs wide. He grinned leaning over to bite her right knee, then he slowly dragged his tongue along her inner thigh occasionally nipping and kissing the soft sensitive skin of her inner thigh. He made his way down to her sex, then instead of licking her clitoris, he switched legs, repeating the same lick, bite, suck routine until he was close to her wet sex again. 

Harley groaned. His mouth on her thighs felt so good, but damn it is she wasn't feeling that burning tightening heat in her groin again. The man was driving her more insane than she already was with his gorgeous mouth!! 

Next, Joker very lightly whisked his fingers across the outside of her sex, running along inside the creases between her labia majora, teasing her gently, sending a tickle up through her core. Harley whimpered, her inner muscles tightening with want. Joker chuckled. He loved to tease her, loved those little whispers she was making. He leaned in close again and began to softly lick and kiss her outer labia, brushing his nose against her before planting a gentle kiss. He drove her even crazier when he moved from her vagina to kiss and stroke her thighs again. 

Harley groaned with need loudly, reaching down to brush her fingers along his forehead. She wanted him so badly to be inside her, pounding into her hard and fast, but she knew she couldn't rush him. 

Now to delve slightly deeper, licking the inner lips of her vagina with just the tip of his tongue, exploring the soft wet lips teasingly. He caught her outer labia in his teeth, not hard, but enough to make Harley jerk, then played his tongue over her inner lips. 

Harley groaned loudly her fingers reaching for his hair, caressing his scalp, her eyes closed as the warmth and tickle of his attention vibrated through her. Joker pressed a kiss to her labia, but refrained from touching her clitoris yet. Instead he slowly slid his forefinger into her. Harley's body jerked, tightening around his finger. She groaned loudly. What was worse was that he didn't shove his finger in fast, rub her clitoris or move his finger in and down...he just did it so slowly. Harley wanted to cry for him to fuck her now!! 

He grinned watching his finger move slowly into her, though not all the way, then slowly out again grinning at the way her fluids glistened on his finger. He did this one more time before he leaned in and sucked hard on her clitoris. Harley gasped, nearly coming up off the bed. God, that man knew how to use his mouth, she thought to herself as she flopped back down on the mattress. 

Joker stroked his hands down the inside of her thighs moving his mouth over her in wide up and down movements of his mouth his tongue rolling over her clitoris as the same time. He flicked his tongue, feeling the nub of her clitoris against the tip of his tongue. He licked and licked, never once stopping, his attention fully on her clitoris and licking his harlequin to orgasm. 

Harley whimpered, her fingers grabbing at his hair as she started to climax. 

Joker sucked, then licked and twirled his tongue around her clitoris. He could tell she was starting to cum; her breath was ragged, the way she kept tugging at his hair mixed with how wet she was right how and the thrust of her hips toward his mouth. Harley lifted up and looked down at him. Joker grinned and waggled his eyebrows at her. Harley dropped back with a groan of pleasure and bit her lip. 

He grinned happily and reached around placing his hand over her clitoris. Gently he placed his forefinger on one side of her clitoris and his middle finger on the other side then gently pulled the skin back, tugging the hood of her clitoris back. Once exposed, Joker dived into licking her clitoris using his tongue fully. Harley gasped then cried out loudly. 

“AAH PUDDIN!!” 

She writhed, squirming and groaning, her fingers digging into his hair and holding on tightly as she continued to make delicious groans and gasps of pleasure. Joker groaned against her enjoying the fact that he could make her a writhing mess. He gave her one more long, slow lick with the flat of his tongue before he stood up on his knees dragging her a little closer to the edge of the bed. He held his shaft against her, rubbing slowly coating himself with her wetness, grinning. 

“Ready for me pumpkin?” 

Harley groaned pushing herself up on her elbows so she could see his smiling face. “Oh puddin, yes yes!” 

He chuckled waggling his eyebrows at her, making her laugh before he slid himself with agonizing slowness into her, pressing each inch until he was buried deep inside her. Harley lifted her legs up, her heels on the edge of the bed. She reached out grabbing his upper arms arching her hips toward him shuddering as he pierced her. Joker grabbed her knees and shoved her legs wide and forward using her knees to balance a little as he pushed in and out of her slowly. Harley dragged her fingers down his stomach pouting. 

“Faster puddin please....” she moaned, squeezing him, but stuck her bottom lip out. 

Joker laughed. “You are so damn cute. Fine, have it your way, you little minx.” 

Joker squeezed her knees and slowly began to build his speed while thrusting harder, deeper, pushing her legs all the way forward until they were almost touching her shoulders. He grinned, watching the way her breasts bounced with each thrust of his hips, jiggling in the most delightful way. He leaned in and started to pound into her, her entire body bouncing up and down. Harley threw her arms over her head grabbing fistsful of the blankets. 

“Oh puddin, puddin!” Harley cried out. 

Joker hissed struggling to hold back. The sensation of fucking her, the sounds of their bodies coming together, the tight hold she had on him, the warmth and wetness, her cries of pleasure were all doing exactly like he knew it would. He was swiftly approaching his own climax. She was so darn wet and felt so damn good. He let go of her knees, dropped his body forward, his hands on either side of her head as he arched his body and thrust, completely giving himself over to the sensation of fucking her. He let out a low groan which had Harley reeling with delight. Joker wasn't big on making a lot of noise during sex, but when he did it, she thought he was all the sexier for it. He grunted with effort gazing down at her. Harley smiled at him reaching up to cup his face between her hands. 

“Mm puddin...” Harley groaned then she jerked letting out a loud and long cry as her orgasm exploded. 

Joker gasped when her body clenched down on him. He felt like he was yanked over the edge only to have her pull his very essence out draining him. 

“Uuhh...Harley...” He groaned loudly as she pulled everything from him. 

Harley wrapped herself around him holding on, riding both his orgasm and her own until Joker just let all his weigh go, dropping on top of her like a dead weight. 

Harley groaned then groaned louder. “Why do you do that every time!? You're heavy!” 

Joker laughed. “I am not. You take that back! I'm just a slip of a girl!” 

Harley giggled. “No you're not!! You're a deceptively heavy girl. OFF!!” 

“What happened to the Hanukkah spirit?” Joker moaned pitifully. 

Harley laughed. “That has nothing to do with sex.” 

“As far as you know!” Joker laughed. Harley gave him a mock dirty look, but Joker let her shove him over though they both let out moans of disappointment when their bodies were no longer connected. Joker lay on his back with his arms flung out. 

“I bet our coffee is cold,” he mumbled yawning. 

Harley rolled over wrapping her arm around his waist. “Mm...we could just snuggle.” 

Joker grinned. “Mm...snuggling. Novel idea.” 

He yanked her close and with a few awkward movements of twisting around, trying to get pillows and blankets in place, they were facing each other. Harley smiled softly stroking her fingers over his face and though his hair. “I love you Mistah J.” 

Joker smiled and yanked her against him holding her tight. He didn't say anything at first, except to kiss the top of her head. 

Then in a soft whisper he murmured against her hair, “You complete me Harley.” 

* 

The next evening Joker was leaning on an old classica Formica dining room table on his elbows, a cigarette in his purple gloved hand. He was dressed in a suit of purple with “HaHa” in a darker purple within the fabric, a white shirt, green tie with a waistcoat of deep burnt orange. He had on a pair of black and white oxfords that were shined to the point of mirror quality. Sitting at the table was Frost, dressed in a typical black suit, white shirt and blue tie, his hair slicked back, not too dissimilar from Joker's hair style, though Joker had an ornery green curl or two that kept curling along his forehead. The table sat in a tiny kitchen, the appliances the color of Sherwood green. There was a large bald man at the stove busily doing something that couldn't been seen, blocked by his wide back, wearing a pair of red sweatpants, a green t-shirt along with a bright red and green tutu sprinkled with silver stars. He was also wearing Christmas antlers on his head, the little fabric antlers each had a tiny silver bell on them that jingled merrily when he moved. 

The big man turned around with a tray that held three Christmas mugs, one with dancing snowmen, another with red and green fairies and one more that had jolly little Santa Claus's dancing in a circle around the mug. Each mug was filled with marshmallows and the scent of warm chocolate. 

Bob grinned merrily, walking over to the table with the tray of mugs and proceeded to set the mugs down, one in front of Joker (he received the dancing snowmen), Bob placed the mug of Santa Clauses in front of Frost and Frost sat down with the fairy mug of hot cocoa. 

Joker grinned at the big man. “Thank you darling!” 

Bob grinned brightly taking up his mug between his large hands and wiggling happily and smelling the chocolate. 

“Now my boys, we are on a mission tonight. Harley was telling me all about Hanukkah...now most of it was boring as hell, BUT she said that they give presents each night, one for...” He waved the cigarette around. “I don't remember...like a couple of weeks or something.” 

Frost having picked up his hot chocolate and sniffed it as if he were worried it might be poisoned, glanced up at Joker. “It's six days boss.” (Silently, Bob held his hands up showing eight fingers, but neither of the other men noticed.) 

Joker frowned at Frost, taking a pull from his cigarette and narrowing his eyes at the other man. Frost sipped his hot cocoa looking away from Joker who continued. “We, my darling boys, are going to get Harley a whole lot of gifts tonight...or at least what we can accomplish before the party pooping boys and girls at the GCPD decide to put a damper on our fun—or Batman decides to make a special sour puss Grinch appearance.” Joker giggled. “Though getting to mess with Batman would be fun I would rather get my shopping done while Harley is out.” 

Frost frowned pulling a sticky marshmallow from the top of his coco. “Where is Miss Quinn tonight Boss?” 

“Oh my lovely Harley is busy tonight, which only gives us this window of opportunity to work. She is off buying a menorah with Ivy and doing some other...stuff, probably pulling weeds or something...So we have only tonight to get the gifts for Harley. Got it?” 

Bob nodded with enthusiasm while Frost frowned. “Do you know what you want to get her boss?” 

Joker smiled. “Oh, I have some ideas.” 

* 

The three men were all piled into Frost's newest car, a 2017 Lincoln Contential Town car. It was a nice silver color with cream leather interior. Joker was sitting in the passenger seat with a little notebook and pencil. Bob was in the back with a huge smile on his face while Christmas music played over the car's speakers. Bob was currently bobbing his head in time to “Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree.” Joker frowned looking at his notepad. “All right, first stop the hardware store on 20th!” 

Frost frowned stopping at the light. “A hardware store boss?” 

Joker nodded sagely. “A girl needs a hammer!” 

* 

Across town Harley was giggling. She was lying on her back, her hair wrapped in a towel, cucumber slices over her eyes, the rest of her body naked and soaking in a thick tub of mud. Next to her was Ivy, her hair in a towel, cucumber slices over her eyes as well. Soft typical spa like music was playing in the background. There were other women here, all enjoying a rest and some pampering for the holiday season. 

Ivy smiled, removing the cover from her eyes. “I'm so glad you could hang out with me for some girl time.” 

Harley removed her cucumber slices, stuffing them both in her mouth. She crunched a few times before she spoke. 

“Me too Red! I was a little surprised we found a menorah so fast!” Harley grinned. 

Ivy wrinkled her nose. “Silly. So what's your clown doing without you tonight?” 

Harley frowned. “I have no idea. He said he was going to hang out with Frost and Bob.” 

“Well, that can't be good,” Ivy observed with a frown. “Though Bob is an absolute peach. I can't figure out why he hangs out with Joker so much. I mean, why is Bob so loyal?” 

Harley giggled. “Bob loves Mistah J! Red you really need to be nicer to my puddin.” 

Ivy grinned with a glint in her eyes. “Nope...” 

Harley stuck out her bottom lip, which only made Ivy laugh. “Oh fine. I know he loves you. I'll do my best to be nicer.” 

Harley squealed happily and wrapped her arms around Ivy giving her a loud kiss on the cheek. “Thank you Red!!” 

Ivy laughed hugging her back. “Consider it part of my present to you. Now let's go dress and get our nails done!” 

Harley squealed. “Yeah!! I want glitter on my finger and toe nails!” 

* 

At Mueller's Hardware and Plumbing Supply, Joker giggled picking up another hammer and swinging it, using his entire body to swing the tiny claw foot hammer like a baseball bat, taking out yet another holiday display, this one for power drills. So far Joker had tried three different small claw foot hammers and had destroyed three displays advertizing tools for the holidays. Frost and Bob were both holding mini Uzis on the few customers and staff, (though Bob was bobbing his head along with the Christmas music that was being pumped in over the speakers) who were standing against the wall, their eyes wide watching while Joker destroyed the store and giggled merrily. 

The hammer that Joker had in his hand had a pink handle and bright silver head. 

He flipped the hammer easily, catching it by the handle. “Mmm... Frost!! Whatcha think about this one sweetie?” 

Frost glanced over his shoulder at Joker. “Well Boss, I think Miss Quinn would like the pink handle, it's very feminine.” 

Joker flipped the hammer a few more times. “You know, I think you're right. And it has pretty good balance... Okay, this is the one!! Let's go boys!! Lots of shops to hit!! Gotta work through those crowds of holiday shoppers!!” 

Joker, who had a large Santa Claus-like sack with him, pooled at his feet, picked it up and dropped the hammer inside. 

He walked past the terrified people all lined against the wall. “Happy Holidays folks!!” 

Joker laughed. He stopped and grabbed the last person, a chubby balding man with round glasses and a name tag on his plaid shirt that read “Manager: Norman.” Joker grabbed Norman and gave the man a big wet kiss on the cheek. “Thank you my dear for the great customer service AND since I'm in such a good mood everyone gets to live!! Yeah!! You can call say thank you Joker for my Hanukkah present!” 

All the people looked at one another and then in chorus said, “Thank you Joker.” 

Joker laughed sticking his hand in one of his suit pockets and throwing fake snow into the air around Norman. “That's the spirit!” 

“Let's go my darlings!! Lots of shopping for Harley to do yet!” 

Norman and the others watched as Joker and his goons filed out of the hardware shop. Norman stood there staring at the door, then abruptly wet his pants before he passed out. 

* 

Sitting next to Frost with his bag at his feet, Joker looked at his notebook and grinned. “Oh our next stop is that specialty clothing store on Lexington!! We're going to get our girl a new dress!!” Joker turned to smile at Bob. “You have her size, right big boy?” 

Bob nodded with enthusiasm and pointed at his head, his antler's jingling merrily. 

Joker laughed. “Got it right there in the old noodle, eh? Good boy.” He turned back around just as a few flakes began to fall. “Oooh goodie, it's snowing!!” Joker clapped his hands. 

* 

With her hair still in a towel, Harley giggled looking at her fingernails. They were painted an alternating red and green with glitter in the polish. Ivy was having her nails done in a deep forest green...no glitter. 

“So Red, what are you doing for the holidays?” Harley asked with a smile. 

“Oh nothing. I thought about protesting some Christmas tree stands, but no one ever listens. On the actual day...nothing really. Why?” Ivy, her hair also wrapped in a towel still, leaned back in her chair crossing her legs while Harley had a few last minute adjustments made to her nails. 

“Well, I thought maybe you could come over for a little bit. You know, open presents...have dinner with us..?” Harley asked with a smile. 

Ivy frowned. “I don't know peanut...” 

“Aw, come on Red!! It'll be fun!! Puddin won't mind!” Harley asked, her eyes big and pleading. She blinked her eyes several times at Ivy. 

Ivy glanced sideways at her. “Does Joker know you're asking me?” 

“Well...not yet.” Harley said with a sheepish look. 

“Okay, but don't tell him I'm coming.” Ivy laughed throatily with a mischievous grin. 

Harley giggled. “Okay! It'll be a great surprise!! Maybe I should invite Pengie and Scarecrow...have like a real family Christmas...” 

Ivy made a face like she was about to vomit, but she giggled instead. 

* 

Joker burst through the doors of the high end clothing store called WANG'S, throwing fake snow out, his arms out wide. Somewhere along the way he had picked up a Santa Claus hat (they had actually stopped and “mugged” a fake Santa on a street corner) which he was currently wearing. “HAPPY Hanukkah!!!! And Merry Christmas and any other holiday greets I'm forgetting!!” 

He was followed close behind by Frost and Bob, their Uzis trained on the patrons in the store. 

The several women and few men, who had been browsing the store's clothing selections, along with the few store associates, all went quiet. The only sound was the piped in music through the stores speakers, a classical version of “White Christmas” and then after a few heartbeats a woman screamed. 

Joker sighed. “Really? I'm just a holiday shopper like the rest of you. Now shut up, get against the wall or my boys here will pump you full of lead...okay?” He ended his sentence with a bright cheery smile. 

For a moment there was panic. Several people screamed and someone passed out. Joker groaned and rolled his eyes. 

“Boys, please. I simply cannot shop under these conditions.” 

Frost and Bob both fired their weapons into the ceiling of the shop which immediately quieted everyone as people alternately ducked or dropped to the floor. Joker smiled. “Now, if you would all go stand over there.” Joker pointed to the back of the store. “I can do my shopping...Oh, but you...” He pointed at one of the store clerks, a tiny, well-endowed brunette with her hair cut to look like the Betty Boop cartoon pointed at herself in shock. “Me?” 

Joker motioned her over. “Yes you! You're about my girl's size. Could you help me out? I'm looking for a red dress...” 

* 

The young store clerk whom Joker had separated out from the others to help him, came out of the dressing room in a sleeveless red dress with a plunging neckline, a slit in the skirt that went straight up to her hip and a crisscross of silky fabric in the front that emphasized her waist along with an accent at the waist and hip that sparkled into the shape of a red flower. Joker held his finger up and twirled it around. The young woman turned slowly while Joker inspected her. 

He turned to Bob. “So, what do you think? You think Harley will like this? I mean, I know I do...I love the neckline and the exposed leg...rawr...” He waggled his eyebrows before he continued. “But we want Harley to like the dress, not just me...” 

Bob gave Joker a thumbs up and a big smile. Joker grinned. “We'll take it!” 

Frost frowned. “Hey Boss, don't you think you should get some shoes to go with the dress?” 

Joker frowned. “I...I hadn't thought of that!! Good show Frostie!!” 

Frost grinned pleased with himself having redeemed himself after questioning Joker on how many days there were for Hanukkah. 

Joker hurried over and kissed Frost on the lips. “That is why I don't kill you!!” He laughed turning back around. “Shoes!! We need shoes!” 

* 

Harley smiled while the young woman behind her combed and styled her hair. “And so I stopped by Benny's place and I'm having him make Mistah J a tailored suit, but in this really deep shade of purple, and the lapels are going to have Joker card designs on them! Oh and the tie is silk with little tiny happy faces on it. I also got him a new pair of shoes. They have the white spats like he likes, but the shoes are actually purple oxfords!! You think he'll like all that? Oh, I even got him this really awesome gun that is designed to complement the suit.” Harley glanced over at Ivy who was having her hair piled on her head in intricate curls. 

Ivy smiled. “Oh I think he will adore it. That man certainly loves his clothing.” 

Harley giggled and then sighed dreamily. “He is one sharp dressed man. I love that about him.” 

Ivy smiled at her friend indulgently. 

* 

Batman was watching the streets below. The snow wasn't sticking yet and it wasn't thick, but he could tell the temperatures were going to drop soon and then the snow would slowly begin to become a problem overnight. He was watching a group of kids kicking cans down the street when he heard the GCPD report of several robberies, no one hurt...but it was reported that the Joker had been seen at each of the sites. Batman frowned thinking to himself...Joker? No one killed? Odd...not unheard of, but always strange. Maybe he should check them out and see if they really were being perpetrated by the Joker. 

* 

At their latest stop, Joker stood outside, the snow sticking to his Santa cap as he watched Bob pick up a recycling can that was outside the shop and throw it through the display window with a spectacular crash. The alarm immediately started to blare loudly. 

Joker grumbled. “I can't believe this. Holiday shopping season and they are closed this early? A gun shop!! CLOSED!! I would take my business someplace else except these jackasses are the only ones who had the little guns with the pink handles!! Harley will adore that...Ugh, could one of you take care of that alarm please!!!” 

Frost stepped through the shattered window. It took him a few seconds after turning on the lights to find the alarm and shoot it with the Uzi. With the sound of hard, heavy rapid fire of the mini Uzi the alarm died. Frost walked over and a half-dozen well placed rounds shot out the lock of the door before he kicked it open and stepped outside. “Okay Boss.” 

Joker smiled with a faint nod as he walked past Frost, stopping long enough to pat his cheek. “Thank you darling. Okay boys, let's find that pistol for Harley and while we're here, grab yourselves something too!! It's Hanukkah after all!!” 

* 

Fifteen minutes later, Joker, with his Santa sack over his shoulder and the boys right behind him, were leaving the gun shop when Joker stopped, holding out a hand to signal Frost and Bob to stop. They all went quiet, but Joker heard a familiar sound, a grin spreading slowly across his face. 

“I know that sound.” 

No sooner had the words left his mouth then the batmobile came racing around the corner. Joker squealed with happiness. “THERE HE IS BOYS!!! BATSY!!” 

Joker laughed racing for the car. Frost, seeing the unique black vehicle groaned. “Damn it!” 

Bob grinned hurrying over and slipped into the backseat. Joker opened his door and yelled. 

“Come on FROST!! What're you waiting for, CHRISTMAS??!!” 

* 

Harley arrived back at the hideout, her nails done, her make-up done, with red lipstick topped with superfine, crimson-colored glitter over the top. Her eyes were smudged a shimmery copper shadow and her hair was done in an elegant side swept hairstyle. She was feeling happy and relaxed. 

But when she walked into the hideout, Joker still wasn't home. Harley pouted. She had wanted to show off her look...and maybe handcuff him to the bed. Actually, handcuffing him to the bed had been her entire plan after showing off how good she looked, but he wasn't home yet. 

Harley sighed, sticking her bottom lip out. Well, she thought, might as well set up the menorah. 

* 

Joker was laughing and hitting his knees with his fists. Batman was in hot pursuit, it was beginning to snow heavier and they were heading straight into the downtown shopping area which would be full of shoppers this time of night because of the holidays...it was just so funny! 

Joker pushed the buttons on the door to roll his window down, but the window wouldn't budge. Joker hit it a few more times then glared at Frost. “How am I suppose to hang out the window and yell insults at Batman if the windows are child locked!!” 

Frost sighed. “Sorry Boss.” He reached over and hit the button to unlock the windows. Joker giggled pushing the button. As soon as the window was down he leaned out, losing his hat, but he was waving and yelling. 

“HEY BATS!! Happy Hanukkah!!” 

Joker dropped back into his seat with a smile. “You know, it's just not the holidays until Batsy chases us at least once. I do so love holiday traditions.” 

Frost glanced at Joker with a sigh. Bob was clapping his hands, his jingle bell antlers jingling merrily. 

* 

It was nearly four in the morning before Joker came home. Harley was sitting on the bed in an adult onesie that had a llama on it that read “Happy Llamakkah!” across the breast, her arms were crossed over her chest and she was looking annoyed, her hair and makeup wasted on an empty hideout. 

When Joker came stumbling into the bedroom, she was ready to let him have it. 

She had heard him coming up the stairs, the sound of his laughter accompanied by the lights in the main room coming on told her he was home. Then she heard. “Harley!!! Harley!!!” 

A second later Joker stumbled into the bedroom. He had a bloody lip and bloody nose, a purple bruise forming under his left eye, his suit ripped in several places, and his tie was missing. He was carrying a large red sack and one of his shoes in the other hand. He was giggling when he stumbled in dropping the sack and the shoe to the floor with a loud clatter. 

“Harley!! There you are my pretty!!” 

Harley narrowed her eyes. “And where have you been?” She took in his disheveled appearance and bloody nose and lip. Her expression morphed to one of shock and disappointment. “Have you been playing with Batman? Without me??!” 

Harley pouted and muttered again, “Without me?” 

Joker chuckled. “Oh my sweet, sweet pumpkin!! I'm so sorry!! I didn't know he was going to show up.” 

He stumbled over and flopped onto the bed on his back next to her giggling. “I was just Hanukkah shopping my little minx. Seriously, you would think that man had nothing better to do than mess with a man trying to shop for his girl.” Joker smiled up at her. “It's because he's jealous.” 

Harley's lip withdrew as she smiled. “You went...Hanukkah shopping?” 

Joker grinned. “I forgot how many days you said, well actually, I wasn't really listening...but anyway...so I was trying to get a gift for each day of Hanukkah and I had only made it to number three when Batman messed everything up so...well...” He hopped back up and raced over to grab the sack, returned and dropped the whole thing onto her lap. 

“There was no way I was going to be able to just give you one gift a day anyway, so HERE!! There's always tomorrow night! I could go out again!” 

Harley laughed taking the sack. “Oh puddin.” She grinned. “I forgive you.” 

Joker smiled. “You know I would do anything for you my little pumpkin pie, don'tcha?” 

Harley set the sack aside and reached for him. “Why don't you come here puddin...we could play strip spin the dreidel...then end the evening with my mouth on certain parts of your body...maybe use some oil...you know...be traditional.” 

Joker giggled. “Oh...I do like the sound of that...Happy Hanukkah pumpkin.” 

Harley giggled yanking him forward, then spun and pinned him to the bed, crawling on top of him and straddling his hips. “Oh I'm going to make it a Happy Hanukkah puddin. I have just the gift to give you every single night.” She smiled, running her teeth over her bottom lip, her eyes hungry as she began to work at the buttons of his shirt. 

Joker giggled again. “Oh...well...that has to be the best gift...the same gift every night for the next twenty nights?” Harley laughed. “Something like that puddin.” 

* 

Joker and Harley started to giggle, then, after a few moments the sounds changed to soft moans and grunts.


End file.
